Dealing with Grief During the Holidays
Do you know someone who has lost a loved one? The holidays are a time of hardship for many who are grieving or experiencing loss. It can be hard to celebrate traditions that bring back memories of loved ones.
Many will try to hide these feelings because they don’t want to burden others. Check in with people in your life who might be grieving and show your support. Mind and Strength Counseling of Utah can help offer support to you or loved ones who might be struggling with grief this holiday season.
We lost my dad in May of 2020. I have found the holidays a time of grief and loss for myself and family members. I grew up on a Christmas Tree farm in California. Christmas and family traditions are synonymous for me. I have learned how much grief can impact those around us more than I ever known
in the last 2 years. Many of the people you see have lost someone close to them, whether it's a parent, sibling, child or friend. Even a mother who had a miscarriage decades ago may still feel the heaviness of not having that child with her through the holidays. They probably won’t tell you what they are feeling in their heart.
Grief Can Look Like:
Choosing not to attend gatherings with family and friends
Smiling through the heartache
Filling your schedule as a distraction
What to do if I am experiencing grief this holiday season?
Some say that this is the best time of the year, and for many that may be true, and for many it can be one of the hardest times of the year. It is very common to experience things like sadness, loneliness, anger, and happiness right along side all the other feelings too.
Whether you are grieving or someone you love is grieving, here are some ways to help make the holiday season a little brighter while we acknowledge what we are experiencing.
Create traditions that keep you connected to your loved one(s )you have lost.
Traditions are some of our favorite things around the holidays, and when our loved ones aren't there it can feel like something is missing. One of the ways we support our clients is to look at creating a new tradition to honor your loved one(s). This can help you feel connected to them and you can still include them in your life around this holiday season. New traditions to honor those we love is a beautiful way to allow ourselves to remember and honor them, and to feel what we need to feel.
2. Start new traditions to honor life after loss.
Sometimes doing the traditions we have always done without our loved ones just isn’t the same. It is absolutely ok to start new traditions, and create new experiences to honor life after loss. Traditions can change over time, and you can find new ways to celebrate and honor them, while you celebrate and honor you too.
3. Don’t isolate yourself from others, Surround yourself with people who love you!
Sometimes in our grief we shut the world out, for lots of different reasons too. And it is so so important that you don’t keep everyone away. Isolating yourself is one of the things that can keep you feeling stuck. We encourage you to go to that christmas party (even if its only for 30 minutes.), talk to that friend, go get dinner, go see the holiday decorations with a friend, and take time to be with people who love you.
4. Feel ALL of Your Feelings
There are so many feelings this time of year, excitement, anger, sadness, happiness, joy, loneliness, a deep longing, peace, bittersweet gratitude, and so many more. We are here to tell you it is important you feel all the feelings. Allow yourself the freedom to feel them, to cry, to laugh, to let them move through you. Our feelings are powerful moments that influence us, and the ability to feel them is such a beautiful way to honor ourselves and our grief and those we have lost.
Some of our clients take extra time to journal, or do activities that allow them to have the space to feel and honor their feelings.
5. Take Care of Yourself
One of the most important things you can do this holiday season is take care of yourself. Now what do we mean… for some this could mean extra bubble baths, and time with friends, for others this might mean making sure you get good sleep, and have a schedule, for another person it might look like having a plan of what’s happening every day.
Really it will look specific to you, and for everyone we recommend making sure you do a few things:
Make sure you eat a few meals a day.
Take your medications and supplements each day, it’s important we nurture our bodies.
Drink enough water, sometimes when it’s cold we forget we still need to be hydrated.
Do something for you every day even if thats taking 5 minutes to yourself. This could be that bubble bath, or a walk, or even taking a nap or snuggling with your pets.
Overall, if you are grieving we want you to know that even if it feels lonely you are not alone. There are many people who love and care about you.
What do I do if a loved one is experiencing grief this holiday season?
The holidays magnify grief and loss. Be aware of those around you who may have tender feelings around the holidays, even if they seem like they're OK (they might not be). Love them, support them, and hold space for them.
If a loved one in your family or a friend is experiencing grief here are a few things you could do this holiday season to support them, and show your unconditional love.
Take them dinner or a meal they can enjoy at home and spend time with them.
Talk to them about it. Share memories with each other.
Invite them to do something low-key with you.
Send them a card or hand written note.
Text them everytime you think about them, even if it is just an emoji.
Plan a visit with them.
Keep reaching out every so often even if they haven’t responded.
Grief can look different for everyone, and it is important that as their family or friend we don’t stop showing we care, even if that loss happened “a while ago”.
Recently, one of our clients shared that everyone was there right when they lost their dad back in October, but after a month people stopped reaching out or showing up, and it has been very painful and lonely. It can be hard to actively reach out for help if someone is experiencing grief so just know the efforts you take to show up make a huge difference for your loved ones.
If you or a loved one is struggling this holiday season, we are here to help you feel supported and not alone. We provide free consultations to help you find the right therapist. No matter what we want you to know that while grief can feel lonely you do not have to face it all alone.
To schedule a free consultation contact us at 801-252-6032 or contact us here. You can also follow us on Instagram and Facebook for more tips on how to support yourself and loved ones through grief this holiday season!
