The Problem with Body Positivity and Why We Prefer Body Neutrality
Every time I do a google search related to body image the first images that pop up are women in athleisure wear, a sports bra doing some sort of physical activity or posing in that crop top, and those leggings. At least now these women are of various, shapes, sizes, ethnicities, and capabilities. But why is the emphasis still so focused on the sexualization of and physical attributes of women?
Why can’t it be a room full of women of different shapes and sizes reading books? Or playing video games?
What is Body Positivity?
Body Positivity, or being body positive, has become a social phenomena in recent years. But what it is really and what is it trying to teach us?
Body positivity started as a social movement that aims to promote the acceptance and appreciation of all body types, regardless of their size, shape, color, or appearance. The goal was to encourage individuals to love and embrace their bodies, and to reject the societal pressures and unrealistic beauty standards that promote body shaming, discrimination, negative self-image, and the development of eating disorders.
Body positivity wanted to try and empower people from all walks of life to feel confident, comfortable, and proud in their own skin, and to celebrate diversity and inclusivity in all its forms. At its core, it is about accepting and loving yourself regardless of your body shape, size, or appearance. It was about recognizing that everybody is unique and that there is no one "ideal" body type.
The momentum this movement has gained to help challenge the unrealistic and often harmful beauty standards set by society is imperative. It’s important that this social movement got the conversation going about body diversity, body acceptance, and the toxicity of mainstream beauty and cultural expectations on physical appearance. In its roots, the movement wasn’t supposed to be “just” about a person’s physical appearance. It’s supposed to be about mental health and emotional well-being too.
Body Positivity Has Been Hijacked - Saying Love Yourself Doesn’t Actually Make You Love Your Body
The new term, body positivity, has been hijacked by mainstream social media, marketing, influencers, diet culture, and celebrities. Once again, a term that was designed to open up a deeper conversation, now focuses on the surface rather than the deeper meaning of the conversation.
Seeing an average sized, white, Caucasian female talk about “love your body” does not elicit compassion to you who do not fit that mold. For a lot of the women we have worked with at Mind and Strength Counseling, that love and acceptance doesn’t come that easily!
You probably have been told for 10, 20, 30, even 40 years that your flaws are problems to be fixed. You may have stopped yourself from following your dream.
For example, we have clients that have not pursued education, got a dream job, step into romantic relationships, travel, or have kids because they’ve been told their body is not acceptable to do or be those things.
Maybe you can relate? And while we’ve all been told to love our bodies, simply saying “love it” cannot undo what we’ve been taught for decades.
It is not uncommon for us to work with clients who have spent a decade or two obsessing about their body, weight, exercise, clothes, and society's standards. And then it feels like a never ending cycle of never enough. Feelings that come right along this journey include fear, shame, judgment, ridicule for “gaining” or even “losing” weight or having your body change.
Ironically, underneath it all we were taught that our bodies should look like they did when we graduated high school, and that no matter how much we age, we have to “live up to” that same look, otherwise it's a character flaw, or a failure.
Again, now after a lifetime of feeling shame for your body or your body size, how are you supposed to simply “Love it?”
How are you supposed to love something that we’ve been taught our whole life to hate, shame, change, hide or fix? Now you should simply “believe” you can be, wear or do whatever you want.
It doesn’t work that way and that is the problem with the social phenomena of body positivity.
Why Body Neutrality Acknowledges The Depth Body Positivity Can’t
Body neutrality is the bridge between the gap of hating your body and loving and embracing it.
Body neutrality promotes the idea of accepting one's body as it is, without focusing on whether it is good or bad. We encourage you to appreciate your body for what it is capable of and it serves you, rather than judging it based on your appearance.
In contrast, body positivity is a movement that aims to celebrate all body types and promote positive body image, particularly for those who have been marginalized or discriminated against because of their body size, shape, or appearance. While body positivity is focused on celebrating and promoting a positive body image, body neutrality emphasizes the idea that we should not place so much emphasis on our physical appearance and instead focus on our overall health, wellbeing, and happiness.
We encourage our clients to start to look at their body from a non-judgmental lens. Be curious about what your body does FOR you. What experiences, sounds, tastes, relationships and touch are you able to have because of your body? Building curiosity, connection and mindfulness surrounding your relationship with our body is often an easier jump into the “unknown” than trying to convince yourself to love your body.
Here are some tips we use with our clients to help them step into a new understanding and appreciation of their body, and we hope that they help you too:
Appreciate what your body can do: Instead of focusing on your body's appearance, try to appreciate what it can do. Think about all the amazing things your body allows you to do, such as walk, dance, and breathe, writing and singing are pretty amazing too.
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, and can help you develop a more positive relationship with your body. Try to stay present in the moment and focus on your body's sensations, without judging them as good or bad.
Challenge negative thoughts: If you find yourself having negative thoughts about your body, try to challenge them. Ask yourself if these thoughts are based on facts or if they are just your own perceptions. Try to reframe negative thoughts into more positive ones, by looking at where this idea came from, and if its actually what you believe is true about you.
Avoid comparison: Comparing yourself to others can be a major obstacle to developing body neutrality. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own journey and celebrate your own accomplishments. Find one thing a day to celebrate about yourself, because you are a pretty amazing human!
Focus on your values: Try to focus on your values and priorities rather than your physical appearance. When you prioritize your values, you can appreciate your body for all that it allows you to do, rather than how it looks.
Seek professional help: If you are struggling with body image issues, or struggling to take care of your physical needs like eating consistent meals, seeking the help of a mental health professional can be beneficial. There are lots of things you can do right now including getting the tools and support you need to improve your body neutrality and overall mental health.
Mind & Strength Counseling is Here to Help You Discover How to Truly Love You
Learning to let go of the critical self-talk you’ve been accustomed to for years takes time and practice. Here at Mind & Strength Counseling, we start by first helping you to recognize those social, emotional, and internal messages you’ve believed for a long time.
We help you practice body neutrality so you will know how to engage with your body without attaching emotional judgment to it. We want to stop thinking that our body, including its value, is black and white. Your body is the vehicle for your life, not the destination.
It is about recognizing that your body is a vessel that carries you through life, and that its worth is not based on its appearance or size. Developing body neutrality can take courage, and it is a worthwhile process that improves your mental and emotional wellbeing.
You don’t have to do this alone, and remember that as you embrace you, all of you including your body, it opens up the doors for a whole new world, where you can experience life, and stop waiting for those dreams to come true, that you thought you had to put off. Welcome to body neutrality, and the chance to really discover what it means to love you, all of you!
